“Do or do not, there is no try.”
-- Yoda
The final phase of the Dangerous Conversation is Commitment, wherein the Talent chooses a new perspective and a new way of operating, and commits to enacting the necessary change in his life. This is a much more profound process than simply making a decision to do something new. It doesn’t mean saying, “Tomorrow I will make my relationship with our VP of Operations better.” Rather, it is about engaging in a personal process of transition in the moment, of recognizing how he owns this situation, and realizing that he needs to change himself -- not the other person. Commitment requires that the Talent take a first step towards change right then and there, and that he hold himself accountable for that decision. Commitment is fluid, not static; it moves with the Talent as he needs to change.
The greatest challenge of this final and most difficult phase of coaching is for the Talent to recognize that it isn’t easy. There are many forces in the world trying to push him back into his previous performance patterns. There will inevitably be times when the Talent will be blown completely off course. True commitment is the ability to get back up and keep going, regardless of setbacks. Commitment cannot be rushed into, but once it has been reached, it demonstrates the true power coaching has to deliver sustainable performance improvement.
For more on how to have a Dangerous Conversation,
click here to watch Igniting Performance...One Conversation At A Time - a webinar presented by one of my colleagues at Bluepoint Leadership Development.
“No great improvements in the lot of mankind are possible
until a great change takes place in the fundamental
constitution of their modes of thought.”
-- John Stuart Mill
During the Creation phase, the Leader Coach helps the Talent take his new found perspectives and create possibilities for change. It is about development, drawing up, deciding on and generating something new. As a Coach, you challenge the Talent to see opportunities in what he calls problems. You challenge the Talent to discover other ways of interpreting his situation so that he can see new possibilities and make more effective decisions. The Talent and the Coach use their collective analytical and idea-generating skills to challenge assumptions and beliefs and to look at situations anew.
People tend to become set in a single way of perceiving a situation. This blocks both change and success. Creation coaching is about getting the Talent out of his own way, challenging the self-limiting beliefs he has, and demanding that he operate at an entirely different and higher level. As a coach, you give the Talent a second pair of eyes where he previously only had one pair; you open up a whole new way of seeing himself and the world.
For more on how to have a Dangerous Conversation, click here to watch Igniting Performance...One Conversation At A Time - a webinar presented by one of my colleagues at Bluepoint Leadership Development.
"The significant problems we have cannot be solved at the same level of thinking with which we created them." -- Albert Einstein
During the Discovery phase of a coaching conversation, the Leader Coach helps the Talent see his performance and potential through fresh eyes. The Talent is challenged to dig deeper, to ask more of himself than he may have been accustomed to, and to confront a current problem or challenge by gaining a greater understanding of himself through exploration and inquiry.
The first step in the Discovery phase is to help the client understand his current perspective. Then through discovery coaching, we assist the Talent in realizing that by looking at the situation from different angles, a world of new possibilities will open up to him. Together, you can paint a picture of the Talent that gives him a whole new understanding of who he is, where he is, and what he is capable of.
When you coach someone through a period of Discovery, your job is to ask some of life's most basic and difficult questions. The Talent does not need to know all the answers right away, be he needs to be curious and willing to find out.
For more on how to have a Dangerous Conversation, click here to watch Igniting Performance...One Conversation At A Time - a webinar presented by one of my colleagues at Bluepoint Leadership Development.
Coaching would be much more straightforward and uncomplicated if one could simply memorize and follow a prescribed series of steps in a pre-established sequence to achieve a specific set of results. Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way. The coaching process is more improvised than scripted, more spontaneous than structured. And, there simply aren't seven steps to become a great coach.
Instead, the coaching process flows through three phases, namely Discovery, Creation and Commitment, which the Leader Coach must navigate as the Talent takes on the often rough and unpredictable waters of personal and professional change. Because these phases are distinct, they are often misinterpreted as a static, linear model for undertaking dangerous conversations. Rather, the coaching flow is, as a client of mine once described it, "an unguided pilgrimage to my best and scariest furture."
Over the next few weeks, I'll be taking a closer look at Discovery, Creation and Commitment. In the meantime, for more information on high performance coaching, download our coaching e-book here.
How many conversations do you have during an average day? And how many of these simply function as social lubricants helping you slide through the day without having to address the important issue facing you? How many of them really matter?
Most on-the-job conversations involve the exchange of information, instructions, advice, and opinions and have relatively predictable outcomes. While these conversations are quite suitable for normal business transactions they are quite ineffectual in the coaching process. Coaching conversations need to be much more potent. They are characterized by purposefulness, emotion, and awkwardness. The Great Expectations model of high performance coaching rests on a unique conversation which challenges the Leader Coach to engage in an intense form of dialogue. This is the Dangerous Conversation.
Dangerous Conversations confront the questions that need to be asked and challenge the Talent to answer them honestly. These conversations have no predictable course or conclusion and are fraught with uncertainty for both parties. As a Leader Coach, your role is to be honest, authentic, and unattached to a specific outcome. In doing so, you create a conversation in which the Talent is able to generate rich new insights and knowledge.
For more on how to have a Dangerous Conversation, click here to watch Igniting Performance...One Conversation At A Time - a webinar presented by one of my colleagues at Bluepoint Leadership Development.
Skilled coaches have clarity regarding the boundaries of their accountability: they are acutely aware of that line that separates their responsibilities from those of the Talent and they are ever vigilant not to cross that line.
When the Talent is wrestling with a very difficult issue, it is extremely tempting to dive in and help her solve her problem. The great Leader Coach knows that it is the Talent’s responsibility to solve these problems. But this can be oh-so-difficult when you are oh-so-sure that you have the solution and you oh-so-badly want to be helpful. I have seen many clients struggle with a problem so intensely and vociferously that they cannot find their way out. I call this being “in the puddle.” It is analogous to sitting in the middle of a puddle, splashing and shouting that you are drowning in an ocean. It is very enticing for the coach to reach down and pull the person out of the puddle. The great Leader Coach resists this urge and challenges the Talent to stop splashing, take an honest look at his situation, stand up, and walk out of the puddle. By leaving the Talent “in the puddle” until he is ready to act, the Leader Coach demonstrates a commitment to personal accountability.
For more on how to hold others personally accountable, download our coaching e-book here.
One of my professors at graduate school had an annoying habit of asking me a particularly vexing question whenever I complained about the dreadful behavior of others in my life. No matter what I was complaining about, he always replied, “What’s your part in this issue?” I still remember how that question irritated me. To a young man so sure that he was in the right and so sure that he was on top of his own game, his question was quite insulting. He just didn’t get it. It was like he didn’t understand how wonderfully satisfying it was to blame others for my troubles. Couldn’t he see how much I loved the role of innocent victim where I did not have to fuss with the nuisance of personal responsibility? Why couldn’t he just let me wallow in my blissful state of self righteous indignation? He couldn’t because he was a true coach who held me responsible for my own behavior and my own life; a coach who knew that personal accountability and personal development are two sides of the same coin.
Try This...Think about something that you have complained about recently. It could be a work related issue, a health issue, or even a personal relationship issue. Ask yourself, “have I done absolutely everything to achieve the outcome desired? Have I taken full accountability for what needs to be done to improve the situation?” If not, then do it!
Also, you may be interested in the following article on The Language of Accountability, click here to access the article.
As a young man, I loved to play hockey. I think there is something about the unrefined intensity of the sport that brought out my primal emotions and provided a temporary refuge from the modern world. Maybe I just liked being a warrior for a moment. During one particular hockey game, a coach for the other team said something to me that still rings in my ears. This was an especially rough game and I was deep into my primeval behavior (read: I was playing dirty). Late in the game as I was skating past the opposition bench, I saw the coach leaning forward to give me a verbal blast. Hockey coaches are renowned for their ability to deliver a searing, expletive-laced communique in a matter of seconds so I didn’t think too much of it as I approached him. But this man’s words were unexpected and haunt me to this day: “Hey you, number seventeen,” he shouted. “I’ve been watching you. You’re better than this!” I was pierced to the core. He may as well have kicked my skates out from under me. At some level I already know that my behavior and level of performance were beneath me, and he had confronted me with what I already knew to be true. To this day, whenever I find myself opting for the lower road, his words ring crystal clear in my head... “You’re better than this!”
This is the power of holding people accountable to be the best they can be. For more on how to have great expectations of those you work with, download our coaching e-book here.
Like many other negative coping mechanisms, arrogance is noting more than an attempt to satisfy one’s self-esteem needs – albeit in an unhelpful way. It is both unattractive and alienating, and the minor satisfaction and assurance it affords is usually short-lived (hence the need to frequently repeat the associated behaviors). It is an indication of a life built on a false foundation; a life that continually needs to be externally validated and shored up by a false public image; a life built entirely on an external façade. This is not to say that arrogant managers are not intelligent, capable people. They are, or they would not have made it as far as they have. They just don’t believe that they are. But you can be an instrument of change for someone who has developed this damaging behavior. By bringing your expectations of greatness and recognizing and validating their natural gifts, you offer a whole new way of thinking and being.
For more on how to coach others for higher performance, download our coaching e-book here.
The word “confrontation” is usually defined as a conflict between people’s beliefs and opinions. I prefer to define it as a courageous encounter with the truth – whatever that truth might be.
Telling the truth is a perilous endeavor. We tend to do so only when the degree to which we care for another exceeds the risk and discomfort in doing so. We risk confrontation when we care deeply about another persona and when we genuinely want to see them thrive. This is the paradoxical gift of confrontation. We confront others when we love them enough to not not speak the absolute truth. Some people call the “telling the truth in love.”
So how often do you tell others the truth, the real truth – what you are really thinking, feeling, and wanting and what you see in them? Give this a moment of serious consideration. Reflect on your key relationships and as you think of each, consider how honest you have been in that relationship recently. How truthfully have you communicated your thoughts – negative or positive – to the people in your network? Now commit to telling someone the truth today.
Has telling the truth been difficult for you? If so and you need to rebuild trust with those around you, click here to read Can You Still Be Trusted? – an article written by one of my colleagues at Bluepoint Leadership Development.